Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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