no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
