I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
