So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
