I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
