so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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