So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
