TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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