ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
