haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
