Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
