so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
