found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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