I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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