Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
