Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She is in my trunk
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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