she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
