Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
