his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
