my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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