he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
