Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I accidentally burped into my bong.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
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so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
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It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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