She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.