just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
