Texts From Last Night

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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.

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  (612): Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad. http://tfl.nu/1l88
  Replies (14) Good night (945) Bad night (3234)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.

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  (214): bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink. http://tfl.nu/4c2j
  Replies (39) Good night (5736) Bad night (790)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.

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  (404): she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis. http://tfl.nu/x2kt
  Replies (67) Good night (11024) Bad night (1163)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.

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  (703): I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway. http://tfl.nu/26i6
  Replies (39) Good night (3936) Bad night (750)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.

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  (720): Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly. http://tfl.nu/yfkr
  Replies (7) Good night (3874) Bad night (963)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.

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  (401): Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name. http://tfl.nu/4teg
  Replies (13) Good night (6561) Bad night (2356)
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  (415): View more from California

  Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.

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  (415): Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting. http://tfl.nu/yl2c
  Replies (13) Good night (6172) Bad night (1307)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.

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  (732): wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip. http://tfl.nu/kp6r
  Replies (10) Good night (3540) Bad night (1018)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"

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  (603): You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet" http://tfl.nu/9891
  Replies (2) Good night (3732) Bad night (776)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float

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  (931): making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float http://tfl.nu/pj8f
  Replies (12) Good night (2944) Bad night (715)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.

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  (607): Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan. http://tfl.nu/ogj8
  Replies (0) Good night (991) Bad night (566)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.

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  (509): Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner. http://tfl.nu/7ypr
  Replies (6) Good night (817) Bad night (1458)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course

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  (239): Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course http://tfl.nu/4x8m
  Replies (2) Good night (745) Bad night (398)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap

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  (615): Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap http://tfl.nu/hboz
  Replies (0) Good night (446) Bad night (258)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...

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  (207): And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder... http://tfl.nu/u2tx
  Replies (3) Good night (463) Bad night (141)

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