i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.