last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
