I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
