Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
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she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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