dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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