My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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