Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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