Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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