And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
