I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
