I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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