Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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