Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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