dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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