remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
