i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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