I want to have your abortion
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Randomize