I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
