He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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