nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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