no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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