I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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