Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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