Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
