god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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