She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
