Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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