In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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