Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
