but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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