come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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