Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
