he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
