It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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