I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
