Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
