His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
In America we eat man semen.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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