Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
