whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So many bounce houses so little time
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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