these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
