Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
