White coat. Heels.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
