the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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