please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
