I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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