If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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