nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
